Use Oils they say…Will keep Bugs Away they say…

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I’m not going to knock essential oils…but, I’m going to knock essential oils.  I’m a beginner in the EO universe with no desire to be She-Ra Princess of Oil Power.  I will not be found toting 6 kids in a minivan all doused with pachouli or any other cleansing oil while carrying business cards and samples in a fanny pack.  I won’t. I simply won’t.

EO’s have done some serious wonders for me, my seasonal allergies and even some healing. I get my EO’s from a good friend who knows, I’m not in it for the business, I’m in it for the decrease in water retention and the ability to sleep like a baby in a lavender cloud.

Tonight I made the mistake of “googling” what oils to use to repell mosquitos. Insert 8,000 beyond-passionate EO fanatics with THE answer.

So tonight I had a date with Relaxation: a beautiful clear sky this evening, baby in bed, dusk, candles lit, cup of hot coffee, my ipad and…

10,000 blood sucking fiends.

So, I douse my fave scarf with a combo of lavender, Tea tree Oil and Peppermint. Three oils I had on hand that were touted as AMAZINGLY Effective options for repellent.  I sit down, open Pinterest and realize that my 10,000 new found friends already pinned a cute sign made from pallets that read “Buffet – All You Can Eat”.  It was a massacre.  I could almost hear the laughter of crazy oil ladies zipping up their fanny packs.

So, now I’m covered in Benedryl, listening to my husband tell me I didn’t pay my parking tickets again. Followed by the “Why are you getting parking tickets anyway” conversation.

So much for a nice calm relaxing evening on the deck.  I smell like a custom tube of Aspercreme and I’m itchy.

But my seasonal allergies are at bay and I just started watching another episode of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. So everything is right in my world.

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Hamster Wheels, Bug Bites & Co-pays

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Let’s keep this simple:

Hamster Wheel:  Yup, that is my “healthy lifestyle”.  A Hamster wheel.  Stuck in a perpetual “Start over”.  I should maybe re-identify this part of my life as the blue screen of death…everytime I reboot my decision to get healthy and lose the weight, the Blue Screen of Death (Aka negative thoughts, feelings, eatings and bad daytime TV Shows) hits me BAM!  then…you got it . Restart.

Bug Bites:  Yup. This one’s pretty simple.  Might be a tick bite, might be an allergic reaction to a mosquito.  Might even be a spider bite.  The doctor doesn’t know, but I’m supposed to warm compress it and see what comes of it.  If Sigorney Weaver comes a knockin’, we’re all screwed.

Co-Pays:  To top off that little healthy nugget, T-bone has an ear infection.  Poor little man.  However, earache or not, he still rocked counting from 1 to 10 today.  Although, I don’t think he understood what it meant since he followed it up with “The End” and a whole bunch of gibberish.

I’m THAT neighbor:  Suburbia has grabbed me and pretty much slapped the shiz outta me with the Green Thumb Bug.  yup. The Green Thumb Bug. It exists.  Don’t deny it.  Some people choose a cactus in their bathroom, I chose a deck covered in pots with little seeds planted.  These shall be my new children.  Lettuce, Spinach, Arugula, Cilantro, Basil, Parsely and flowers.  They just started sprouting and I was so excited that I hadn’t killed them all off I shouted, “Look at all my children!!!” while my face was inches from some of the soil.  When I looked up, two of my neighbors were staring and started backing into their house.  Great. I’m THAT neighbor.