Naked And Afraid – The Before Photos

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Tonight I did something that was at the highest level of anxiety, pit in the stomach, REAL.

I finally got up the courage to take the #BeforePic.

Mentally, we see ourselves so different than the camera does. Subconsciously, I think our brains leave out the dimples, bumps and flaws. Our brains delude us into thinking our 3 Bedroom figure is a studio apartment and we never really get that feeling of what our true canvas looks like.

Tonight I did. Tonight I cried.

I was hit with a harsh reality that I deep down knew existed. If I’m really going to be successful…If I’m going to transform myself to the way, in my heart I feel I need to be, then it needs to be done 100%. These photos were sent to two of my closest fitness friends. Friends who I know won’t judge and will help motivate me. Most of all, they will keep me accountable to the results I’m striving for. This was the single hardest thing I’ve done. I allowed someone else into my reality.

Well, it’s time to change that reality. It’s time to be the woman I know is hiding behind the curtain of bad decisions, eating habits and laziness that shrouds my body. Time to let the Strong Beast that’s inside this skin, out.

Seeing yourself through the lens…is terrifyingly enlightening.

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Cardio Playlist September

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Cardio…becoming an obsession #GOALis105

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If you’re anything like me, music will push your workout to the next level.  In a single week, I pushed myself faster and farther in both cardio and strength training.  Here’s a few of the tracks that I’m loving right now.  I don’t usually listen to Country on the treadmill, but wowza, the new Clare Dunn is killer.  Click the link to preview/buy them on iTunes.

This Is How We Do (feat. Riff Raff) – Single – Katy Perry
Bang Bang – Single – Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj
Timber (feat. Ke$ha) – Global Warming: Meltdown (Deluxe Version)
Cowboy Side of You – Cowboy Side of You – Single
Black and Yellow – Rolling Papers (Deluxe Version)
All I Do Is Win (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross) – All I Do Is Win (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross) – Single
Can’t Hold Us (feat. Ray Dalton) – The Heist (Deluxe Edition)
We Can’t Stop – Bangerz (Deluxe Version)

Week 1: Treadmills, Coffee and an iPhone 6.

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Post cardio ass-kicking #GOALis105 #fitness #cardio #cleaneating

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Consistency, Passion and the luxury of a schedule change have been on my side this week.  My first full week back at the gym and clean eating and I’m already seeing some great results.  I may seem a bit obsessive about workouts, eating, journaling and more, but it’s what is keeping me going.

I started the week late for a session, no diary written down and just a mess.  I had the desire, but apparently not the organization.  After 6 pages of “this is not how you succeed” in text messeges from my trainer, and a rearrangement of my schedule I was finally set up for success.  Now it was totally in my court.

I weighed in on Monday and by my Thursday session, I weighed in at a 2.6 lb loss.  This is great, now just to keep it off, if not make that number larger for a full week weigh-in this monday.  I’m still arguing with my trainer about coffee with creamer and the carbs that follow suit.  Still sippin’ my joe. but looking for a good creamer alternative.

My iPhone 4s took a total dump when I updated to ios 8.0..which i think in the long run became a blessing in disguise.  The iPhone 6 with My Fitness Pal is the best ever.  I really like this app. It connects with my trainer and other friends that use it  Plus, the camera on the iPhone 6 is the bomb dot com. You can quote me on that.

 

1/2 of today's prep #cleaneating #syntha-6 #eattrainlose

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Help, Please. The Toughest Phrase in the English Language.

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IMG_4481I’ve been spiraling downward for months now.  Deluding myself into thinking that i’m just fine. I’m just happy. I’m in control of my weight, of my eating, of my thinking.

Nope.

Not so much.

I made the call.

It was a sunny day.  A Friday.  I was driving with the windows down, the radio up and a strange feeling of ambition.

Sitting at a stoplight, I picked up my phone and dialed.

It rang. Three times it rang.

“Hey Brook!” Ben, my trainer, answered with a smile.

I took a deep breath, let all the pride, anger, hurt and self-loathing free.  I was ready to admit it.

“I need help.”

 

And so a new journey begins….

Everything Happens for a Reason

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Whenever I hear this…”Everything Happens for a Reason”…it’s usually because someone has fallen victim to the most popular girl in school named, Karma.

It’s pretty rare that we hear it when positive things happen.  But what if it’s happening in a perfect yingyang of BOTH.  That’s what’s going on with me right now.  For every Amazing Moment, is a heartbreaking one.  For every smart decision, a completely idiotic decision comes back to bite me in the ass.

I got a message from my trainer that I’m going to die before my son turns 10 and will lose a foot to diabetes due to my lack of concentration on my weight loss.  yeah. Clinically and in the eyes of the Abercrombie shopper, I’m obese. However, for the record, I’m not Diabetic, My feet are fine besides needing a pedi BADLY and I’ve got 8 million other things to worry about right now in my personal and worklife.

So as I sit on my pity pot and look around at what everyone else is doing it makes me think…Geez, I wonder if they are going through the exact same kind of crazy life whirlwinds and decisions that I am right now?  I bet they need a hug too.  I know I do.  It’s a little weird to hug a stranger. Might even get you arrested.  But do you know what isn’t?

Positive Energy.  Smile at them.  Say wonderful things not just to others, but to yourself.  When we look back at the positive, I would almost bet that there will be minimal bad decisions and experiences.  Instead, empowering moments for all those involved.

Use Oils they say…Will keep Bugs Away they say…

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I’m not going to knock essential oils…but, I’m going to knock essential oils.  I’m a beginner in the EO universe with no desire to be She-Ra Princess of Oil Power.  I will not be found toting 6 kids in a minivan all doused with pachouli or any other cleansing oil while carrying business cards and samples in a fanny pack.  I won’t. I simply won’t.

EO’s have done some serious wonders for me, my seasonal allergies and even some healing. I get my EO’s from a good friend who knows, I’m not in it for the business, I’m in it for the decrease in water retention and the ability to sleep like a baby in a lavender cloud.

Tonight I made the mistake of “googling” what oils to use to repell mosquitos. Insert 8,000 beyond-passionate EO fanatics with THE answer.

So tonight I had a date with Relaxation: a beautiful clear sky this evening, baby in bed, dusk, candles lit, cup of hot coffee, my ipad and…

10,000 blood sucking fiends.

So, I douse my fave scarf with a combo of lavender, Tea tree Oil and Peppermint. Three oils I had on hand that were touted as AMAZINGLY Effective options for repellent.  I sit down, open Pinterest and realize that my 10,000 new found friends already pinned a cute sign made from pallets that read “Buffet – All You Can Eat”.  It was a massacre.  I could almost hear the laughter of crazy oil ladies zipping up their fanny packs.

So, now I’m covered in Benedryl, listening to my husband tell me I didn’t pay my parking tickets again. Followed by the “Why are you getting parking tickets anyway” conversation.

So much for a nice calm relaxing evening on the deck.  I smell like a custom tube of Aspercreme and I’m itchy.

But my seasonal allergies are at bay and I just started watching another episode of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. So everything is right in my world.