funny

So Much to Catch Up On..Grab a Protein Shake.

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Alright seriously. Where do I even start?

Once Upon A time, on a February day in 2017, The Pretty Princess with a High Body Fat Percentage Met a dashing Prince.  His name was Brian.  He was Blonde, Blue-Eyed and probably talked more than she.  There was something about this Prince that was different.  He just seemed to GET that Pretty Princess.

Prince Brian reached for the Pretty Princess and said, “Come with Me if you want to live..diabetic Free”.  So the Pretty Princess with the High Body Fat Percentage did.  She did squats, deadlifts and skull crushers with Prince Brian and so began the not-so-fairytale known as…

KICKIN’ ASS & TAKIN’ NAMES

I’ve come to the conclusion, that trainers are like shoes..or boyfriends…not all of them them fit YOU.  It’s not just about skill set, it’s about schedule, personalities and camaraderie.  Brian is just that for me.  He’s super psyched about fitness, lifting and since he’s full time, he’s always got a spot for me.  I’ve started to use the Bodyspace App as well (https://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/) with the Kris Gethin’ 12 Week Program for my days without B-Man (as I affectionately call him)

This round of fitness has not only been productive by way of successful weigh-in’s, but more so about educating me on my body and how it really works, responds and grows.

I’m not looking for the scale to decrease.  I’m looking for my strength to increase, my Body Fat Percentage to Decrease and with that I know that the weight will follow suit.  It’s been a very different approach and so far, it’s been amazing.

Top PR’s Thus Far:

  • Hamstring Curl 200lbs (full sets)
  • Lat Pulldown  100lbs (full sets)
  • Reverse Grip Seated Pulldown 100lbs (full sets)
  • Quad/Leg Extension 125lbs (full sets)
  • Skull Crushers 45lbs (full sets)
  • Tri Pulldown (rope)  45lbs (full sets)
  • Bicep Curl (cable) 105 lbs (3 reps)

Babs’ Top 5 Fitness Observations this week:

  1.  Quiet Gyms are creepy.
    When the gym has ZERO overhead music, it’s creepy AF.  I’m all gruntin’ like an old man in the john after Thanksgiving Dinner, and that shit is echoing. Stop the damned Silence.  Let a Girl Grunt in peace and loud shitty Top 40 Music PLEASE.
  2. No Photos in the Locker Room.  
    Let’s be real.  We’re going to take our pics there.  That’s where we feel the pump. That’s where we feel the most fantastic.  And trust me. The last thing I need is anyone else’s cellulite in my pic.  If you see me takin’ a pic..don’t worry.  You’re NOT in it.
  3. No Child Left Behind….at the gym.
    Seriously.  I had a first hand experience where “trainers”…I will use this term lightly..one was wearing bedroom slipper for cripes sake….you know what..screw that…They are Officially FRAINERS..FAKE TRAINERS.  They are there with all these young kids IN the weights and they say..ok go.  wait what?This is where small mushroom clouds poof out my ears.

    These kids are told to do all these exercises…and THEY ARE DOING THEM WRONG.  Such bad form it’s making MY back hurt!  I bite my lip, til it bleeds, and pump out an extra set of angry skull crushers.  STOP the Insanity! Teach them the correct way from the beginning.

  4. I smell.
    Yup. I Smell.  And look disastrous.  And. I. LOVE. IT.  When I see pretty pretties on the elliptical texting their BFFs about the hot guy over there lifting the weight thingy’s…I want to walk over Slap the Phone outta their hands and scream..GET YOUR ASS TO WORK!But we all know this would just mean running mascara for them and a lawsuit for me.
  5. Nothing Tastes as Good As…
    ANYTHING after a big workout.  You could give me a SHOE and I’d EAT it after a big lift day.  I get why when you’re hoping for muscle gains, you’re eating enough to feed an entire hockey team.  BUT…it’s clean..because why would would I eat crap after a killer workout.  That would be like putting ketchup on a decadent chocolate cake.  Don’t do that. If you do, feel much shame.
  6. BONUS
    KT Tape is your Friend. Seriously.

 

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Use Oils they say…Will keep Bugs Away they say…

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I’m not going to knock essential oils…but, I’m going to knock essential oils.  I’m a beginner in the EO universe with no desire to be She-Ra Princess of Oil Power.  I will not be found toting 6 kids in a minivan all doused with pachouli or any other cleansing oil while carrying business cards and samples in a fanny pack.  I won’t. I simply won’t.

EO’s have done some serious wonders for me, my seasonal allergies and even some healing. I get my EO’s from a good friend who knows, I’m not in it for the business, I’m in it for the decrease in water retention and the ability to sleep like a baby in a lavender cloud.

Tonight I made the mistake of “googling” what oils to use to repell mosquitos. Insert 8,000 beyond-passionate EO fanatics with THE answer.

So tonight I had a date with Relaxation: a beautiful clear sky this evening, baby in bed, dusk, candles lit, cup of hot coffee, my ipad and…

10,000 blood sucking fiends.

So, I douse my fave scarf with a combo of lavender, Tea tree Oil and Peppermint. Three oils I had on hand that were touted as AMAZINGLY Effective options for repellent.  I sit down, open Pinterest and realize that my 10,000 new found friends already pinned a cute sign made from pallets that read “Buffet – All You Can Eat”.  It was a massacre.  I could almost hear the laughter of crazy oil ladies zipping up their fanny packs.

So, now I’m covered in Benedryl, listening to my husband tell me I didn’t pay my parking tickets again. Followed by the “Why are you getting parking tickets anyway” conversation.

So much for a nice calm relaxing evening on the deck.  I smell like a custom tube of Aspercreme and I’m itchy.

But my seasonal allergies are at bay and I just started watching another episode of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. So everything is right in my world.

Burpees or Boogers….I’ll take the boogers.

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I hate boogers. phlem. spit..gack!  They will make me barf in an instant.  But Burpees?  LOATHE them.  Once I had my son Timothy, it’s like ‘mama mode’ kicked in and developed a superhero like suit between the boogers and I.  On more than one occasion I have caught myself “grabbin’ a boogie”.  No kleenex. No nothing. Just my bare hand and a boogie. This is barbaric.  It’s almost like I can hear Braveheart screaming in the background “FREEEEEEDOM!” when I actually catch my son long enough to nab it.  THEN I grab a kleenex, because obviously I’m health code dyslexic, and dispose of the evil boogie.  I stand tall, hair flowing in the wind and think to myself, “Super Mom! Fighting Grime One Boogie at a Time!” then you almost hear a record scratch as Timothy puts my entire iPhone in his mouth and starts running with scissors. joy.

The moral of this long, dysfunctional tale, is that I overcame my gag reflex with boogies.  It was like a Christmas Miracle without annoying carolers and cocoa.  But Burpees? I hate them as much as Jumping Jacks.  You know the exercise that every fat person in the 80’s did in terrible grey sweatsuits where you could see every last ounce of their fat doing the cha-cha?   I know they make our cores tight and fantastic.  I know they help our Cardiovascular endurance.  I know that more than 15 in a row will make me barf.  But I don’t think that 10 Christmas Miracles in a row will make me like or even tolerate them.  So, I will go on, cursing my trainer (outloud) whilst hoisting my arse up and down doing these satanic exercises because I know that someday, I’ll hit my goal and I’ll never have to do them again.  Instead, I’ll smuggle wine into the gym and sip it while I watch another victim of the burpee have their will to live tested.

Hot Yoga..One Man’s EPIC encounter.

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I have done Hot Yoga before.  I actually love it.  Like..LOVE IT.  There is something about the heat and the detox of the sweating and the feel of your muscles stretching that is entirely addicting to me.  Until the news that Rejuv Medical’s new facility would have a true Hot Yoga Studio, I was forced to go to the Twin Cities to take in a class at one of the Core Power Yoga Studios.  Loved all of them, but my trips were always few and far between due to the distance.

Hot Yoga is not for everyone.  If you don’t like being sweaty, sticky and in a room where you could pretty much cut the air with a knife while wringing out your yoga drawers, then it’s not for you.  But if you’re like me, and loved every minute of the challenging Hot Yoga Class, you’ll get a kick outta this guy’s recent post.  The only thing he left out was the ceremonial ‘peeling off of the underwear’ to partake in a MORE THAN NEEDED post Hot-Yoga Shower.

One of my favorite parts?

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I’m in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, “for better or worse” is what we committed to so we press on.

Enjoy.

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