Adios Burritosssss

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Since bringing on my Nutrition Coach, I’ve been really careful not to put myself into harm’s way. AKA within 100 ft of a drive thru. Tonight, thanks to a 6 year old that sleeps so deep he still needs overnight pull-ups, I had to make a late night stop at Wal-Mart. There it was. It was like running into an ex. Of course, in true EX fashion, it was looking brighter and more popular than ever. Oh Taco Bell, you fucking devil you.

I had literally 4 things to get at Wal-Mart: Pullups, GF Waffle Mix, Sugar Free Syrup & Apple/Cheese snacks for Tim. The ENTIRE TIME I just kept fighting my inner monologue known as FABS – aka FAT BABS.

Fabs: “hey, it’s Sunday. You don’t weigh in again until SATURDAY..you can cover this, just hit some extra cardio”

Fabs: “Think about the cheese…and the sauce…and the well…all of it”

Fabs: “It will be ok, I mean you’re not really hurting anything with just one right?”

I literally battled this as my car swooped by the Purple glow of the Sign. I threw on my newly found Motivational Speeches playlist and literally shouted out the window… ‘NOT TODAY TACO BELL!!!”

I drove off feeling like I’d won some kind of victory. Like Taco Bell was sitting their dumbfounded holding a beefy Five Layer out the window that I had just given the finger to.

No matter. I still won this one.

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Naked And Afraid – The Before Photos

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Tonight I did something that was at the highest level of anxiety, pit in the stomach, REAL.

I finally got up the courage to take the #BeforePic.

Mentally, we see ourselves so different than the camera does. Subconsciously, I think our brains leave out the dimples, bumps and flaws. Our brains delude us into thinking our 3 Bedroom figure is a studio apartment and we never really get that feeling of what our true canvas looks like.

Tonight I did. Tonight I cried.

I was hit with a harsh reality that I deep down knew existed. If I’m really going to be successful…If I’m going to transform myself to the way, in my heart I feel I need to be, then it needs to be done 100%. These photos were sent to two of my closest fitness friends. Friends who I know won’t judge and will help motivate me. Most of all, they will keep me accountable to the results I’m striving for. This was the single hardest thing I’ve done. I allowed someone else into my reality.

Well, it’s time to change that reality. It’s time to be the woman I know is hiding behind the curtain of bad decisions, eating habits and laziness that shrouds my body. Time to let the Strong Beast that’s inside this skin, out.

Seeing yourself through the lens…is terrifyingly enlightening.

Trust the Process: Pain, Progress and Lessons Learned.

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Trust The Process…even if it seems impossible at times.

October 28th.  I was so incredibly excited to lift that day.  My trainer, Brian, and I were going to lift together for the first time.  Normally, he’s all professional and does the typical trainer/coach thing, but this time he and I were lifting together as partners.

I love this camaraderie.  I love that my gym understands the importance of relationships, not just protocol.  A previous gym of mine didn’t like my trainer lifting with me during sessions. They thought it provided an unprofessional appearance.

Fuck Appearance.

This isn’t a runway show, this is Strength Training…Powerlifting to be exact. It’s gritty, dirty, sweaty, fun, challenging, exhilarating and it’s Family.  Family doesn’t care if you show up in a ripped shirt with a gallon jug.  They just care that you’re there.

At this point I am about 6 weeks into my Powerlifting journey.  I’ve been lifting in general for almost a year and I love every second, but now the goals have changed.  I’ve committed verbally to a meet in June of 2018 and I’m competitive AF.

This day, however, will be remembered for the lesson I learn on my very last rep.  I’m feeling amazing.  Pushing myself harder than usual.  The pump is good and then it happens.

On my last squat rep (5th set. This one is 135×5…my max has been 165lb) I start to power up and in my exhaustion, I lean.  Lean forward.  My mind immediately says, “Oh Shit, straighten out Stephens” and in the process, I feel the pull.  It’s my SI Joint.  I’ve notoriously had issues with an SI Joint that doesn’t just move easily, but moves often. I rack the weight and immediately stretch and figure it’s gonna be fine, just some extra pump. We move to bench.

After some quick bench work, I take to the mats to stretch.  The Rollga is not in sight, and I didn’t have my own with me.  So, I grab a traditional foam roller and start to roll out my glutes.  As I twist to try to hit my piriformis on my right side, the sharp edge of the foam roller along with my heavier body weight decided my fate.

POP.

It happened.  I popped my Right SI joint so far forward it subluxated my right Hip.  AAAAAND I’m out.

Fast forward 14 days.  14 days later, I’m writing this in the backseat of my car as we drive home from a Hockey Weekend.  Currently, I am the most comfortable I’ve been in days. Last night I had my first sleep session that was longer than 2 hours straight and woke up with little to no pain.  This didn’t come from popping pills and sitting on my ass.  This came from 14 days of hard work that wasn’t in the gym.  There were tears, screams of pain, thoughts of anything but success.  It was 14 of the hardest days I’ve had in a very long time.

Injury is not just debilitating but it’s embarrassing, it’s demoralizing and it’s the enemy of motivation. The thoughts that went through my brain included:

“Will people laugh at this?” “Are they all saying ‘I Told You So’?”  “Will I be able to continue?”  “How am I going to explain this one to the ones that already doubted me?”

I stepped back and started to really look at what was happening.  Was I done lifting? Would my coach say, “Well, if that’s how it’s gonna go, let’s just quit.”?  Nope. The next 14 days would prove to be more motivating and introspective than I would have ever guessed.

With every Chiropractic adjustment, even the ones through tears, I felt myself changing.  Physical therapy stretch sessions, multiple daily ice baths and a diet of Advil and water were mixed with one of the busiest weeks my job demands.  Multiple Rollga sessions on my Quads, Hamstrings, IT’s and glutes helped to alleviate the extreme exhaustion my muscles were feeling due to constant contractions with nerve pains.  Heating pad sessions just on my muscles with ice packs on my joints.  Sleep session that only lasted a max of 2 hours due to pain waking me up and telling me to move to my other side.  2am ice showers when my nerve pain in my legs created the most painful restless legs you can imagine.  Young living Pan Away and BioFreeze Professional were my new aromatherapy and every time I wanted to cry and just give up, *Bing* my phone would light up with another notification.  It was my FitFam.  Whether a post notification showing one of my FitFam’s newest accomplishments, a suggestion on recovery for myself or just a general inquiry, I realized I wasn’t alone.  I wasn’t going through this on my own.  This wasn’t an end, it was a bump in the road and it was going to be a major teaching factor in my workouts and how I push my training as my coach and I continue the journey to the USAPL Raw Open in MN June 2018.

As the week continued, I started to see and feel a difference.  10% mobility to 60% in just 5 days.  I started pushing myself for new options of healing so I could ditch the Advil.  Checked out my first Cryogenic Session at Kuhlen Cryo in Grand Forks, North Dakota.  (separate blog post on this) I rested rather than pushed myself and am officially 3 days advil free and my pain has decreased from a 10 to a 3.   This is progress.  Tomorrow I get to see my coach and be back at the gym.  We’ll be heading back into this slowly and working on a lot of accessory work, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t cry when I hug him tomorrow at 3:30pm.

Is my story the worst? Did I suffer the most of anyone? Nope. But when you’re the one in pain, it’s easy to curl up in a ball and give up.  The FitFam I surround myself wouldn’t let me do that.  If you ever feel alone, embarrassed or an outsider in this fitness world, Reach out!  Reach out to me, the guy on the bench next to you, or even a fitness lover that you follow online.  We are REALLY here for you. We get it.  We’ve all been there. I can officially say I have. It’s my turn to help you through the tough times.