journey

Adios Burritosssss

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Since bringing on my Nutrition Coach, I’ve been really careful not to put myself into harm’s way. AKA within 100 ft of a drive thru. Tonight, thanks to a 6 year old that sleeps so deep he still needs overnight pull-ups, I had to make a late night stop at Wal-Mart. There it was. It was like running into an ex. Of course, in true EX fashion, it was looking brighter and more popular than ever. Oh Taco Bell, you fucking devil you.

I had literally 4 things to get at Wal-Mart: Pullups, GF Waffle Mix, Sugar Free Syrup & Apple/Cheese snacks for Tim. The ENTIRE TIME I just kept fighting my inner monologue known as FABS – aka FAT BABS.

Fabs: “hey, it’s Sunday. You don’t weigh in again until SATURDAY..you can cover this, just hit some extra cardio”

Fabs: “Think about the cheese…and the sauce…and the well…all of it”

Fabs: “It will be ok, I mean you’re not really hurting anything with just one right?”

I literally battled this as my car swooped by the Purple glow of the Sign. I threw on my newly found Motivational Speeches playlist and literally shouted out the window… ‘NOT TODAY TACO BELL!!!”

I drove off feeling like I’d won some kind of victory. Like Taco Bell was sitting their dumbfounded holding a beefy Five Layer out the window that I had just given the finger to.

No matter. I still won this one.

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Yes,You Need A Personal Trainer/Coach.

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B0Man

This is Brian. Brian is a Turd..er Coach.  He makes me laugh, cry, swear and pissed off  He is my greatest advocate, healer, teacher and fitness friend as well.  All of this is for the greater good known as: “Babs Becoming BEAST” 

In case you’ve ever wondered what goes through the mind of anyone with a personal trainer, this sums it up nicely. There is a fine balance between “Oh Yeah…let’s do this shit” and “This may be the reason I’m in a motorized cart for the rest of my life”.

 

My husband battles with understanding the importance and worth of a personal trainer.  Every month. When the billing hits our checking account. Like clockwork.  It’s Battle Royale of the “Why is this necessary?  You don’t get anything from it?!  It’s just time with a trainer?”

Well, my husband of 10 years who should know by now that I remember every single frivolous purchase you’ve made in the past 15 years, Personal Training / Fitness Coaching will be the most Tangible yet Intangible time you will buy.  What you actually get is so much more than time.

I was reading the posts from Fat Girl Wunning and I was hit with one of my “why’s” Why do I put myself through the soreness?  Why do I fork out cold card earned cash every month for my Coach?  This is WHY:

Personal Trainers are Motivators, Dictators, Friends and Mortal Enemies. They are exactly what we need to push ourselves to the new limits required to meet our goals. It may feel like we’re dying, but they would never push us to injury or harm. They will however make you swear like a sailor and sweat like a hooker in church.

Check out Fat Girl Wunnings recent musings with her personal trainer. They are brilliantly hilarious…and real life.

Fat Girl Wunning

So in my last entry, I wrote about how all I do is complain to Franz, and when it really hurts, he doesn’t believe me.  Well, after that blog came out, a loyal reader (Hey, Katie!) suggested that we come up with a safe word to use.  You know, the one word that I’m allowed to use to tell him that NO I’M DEAD SERIOUS, I’M DYING.

When I walked into training on that Wednesday, I proposed this idea to him, and he laughed.  Then we both threw out words to use… at the same time.  His was ‘Nutella’.  Mine was ‘Marshmallow’.  The first thing I thought was, I need a s’more.

After this, he proceeded to kick my ass, and I couldn’t use my legs for two days, and I never did get my s’more.

By the way, when Katie suggested I use a safe word, she also…

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Naked And Afraid – The Before Photos

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Tonight I did something that was at the highest level of anxiety, pit in the stomach, REAL.

I finally got up the courage to take the #BeforePic.

Mentally, we see ourselves so different than the camera does. Subconsciously, I think our brains leave out the dimples, bumps and flaws. Our brains delude us into thinking our 3 Bedroom figure is a studio apartment and we never really get that feeling of what our true canvas looks like.

Tonight I did. Tonight I cried.

I was hit with a harsh reality that I deep down knew existed. If I’m really going to be successful…If I’m going to transform myself to the way, in my heart I feel I need to be, then it needs to be done 100%. These photos were sent to two of my closest fitness friends. Friends who I know won’t judge and will help motivate me. Most of all, they will keep me accountable to the results I’m striving for. This was the single hardest thing I’ve done. I allowed someone else into my reality.

Well, it’s time to change that reality. It’s time to be the woman I know is hiding behind the curtain of bad decisions, eating habits and laziness that shrouds my body. Time to let the Strong Beast that’s inside this skin, out.

Seeing yourself through the lens…is terrifyingly enlightening.

Who is this #FitFam?

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Imagine you walk up to a wall…and just start talking.  You talk about everything from your macros for the day to how much weight you just pulled and how many times you’ve already pooped today.  You are deep in the heart of fitness talk…and the wall?  Is your husband.

He has no clue.  He doesn’t care to have a clue.  He just stares blankly until you mention a word that resembles something he understands and cares about. This takes awhile.  Finally he hears the word “dinner” and takes his cue, “YES! Dinner! What’s for Dinner?!” and walks..eh em BOLTS away.

humpfh.

Enter The #FitFam.


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You’ve probably seen fitness posts that include a million hashtags. #Fitness #CleanEating #SWOLmates #WeightLoss #Gains #DoYouEvenLiftBro and of course #FitFam.  Each of those little hashtags represent a connection to an entire world of people who REALLY DO want to talk about your protein poops and post workout pump!  People who find inspiration in your successes and will help you through your struggles.  They are your #FitFam..Your Fitness Family.

These are the people that get genuinely psyched when you succeed.  The people that will offer you any and all advice, shoulders to cry on and squat racks to spot on.  The outpouring of amazing support from my #Fitfam has been unreal. The best part?  Whether you know it or not, you start using those hashtags, and it will make you discoverable.  You too will be motivating and inspiring others in your own unique way.

img_6594-e1500474037479.pngI want to give a shout out to the people that have made such an amazingly positive impact on my journey so far..most of which, I’ve never met, let alone spoken to over the phone.

Ben – St. Cloud.
Ben is one of my original trainers turned Mestie. Man. Bestie.  He and I can literally talk about anything.  Fitness talks are pretty much nothing but passion for the pump. Ben is now an Officer in the U.S. Army and our chats are mostly via Facetime and Text.

Chris – NYC
Chris is a 30-something dad that has been through an amazing journey of his own and is now Power lifting.  He is always good for an extra kick in my ass to get the job done and has already shared so much of his knowledge and experience with me.  I also love watching the videos he sends me of his young daughter that he is teaching to lift. Chris inspires me daily.

Mollie – St. Cloud
Mollie and I actually work together.  We both have a similar mindset for what/where we want to go on this fitness journey and at the same time, the understanding of the grueling demands that radio can have on our fitness schedules and more.  She inspires me with her fearless approach to this journey.  Mollie’s focus in her transformation is Cross-Fit.

Jason – Milwaukee
Jason is a Physical Therapist who travels and is one of the most positive lights on fitness social media.  He’s like a shot of Inspirational Adrenaline in the ass.  He even offers some advice when needed.  He is the one that helped me find my love for KT Tape.

Robin – Iowa
Robin is a student, the mother of Batman the cat and always has the most fun snapchats to watch.  Whether we are showing off our current post workout pics or encouraging each other to get up and do the workout anyway, she’s been fantastic for me.

Vinny – Nashville
Vinny, aka Bigg Vinny has been through some amazing transformations including his appearance on NBC’s The Biggest Loser.  From weight loss to now Power Lifting, Vinny and his wife have always been there when I have questions or just need my butt kicked on the road.

Stephanie – St. Cloud
I work with Stephanie as well. We talk Clean Eating All. The. Time.  She is a great resource for a more holistic approach to fitness and nutrition. Steph’s fitness choice at the moment is Barre and Barre Fusion.

Bodyspace/Instagram Fitfam
I have a profile on Bodyspace and the outpouring of support is amazing.  Special shout outs to:
Stephanie Sanzo / StephFitMum- Austrailia
Kristi Youngdahl / kyoungdahl – Minnesota
Chris McGann – Roanoke,US
Todd Morris – Camp Douglas, US
RedRiverRogue – Florence, US
Jaye – Pearl Harbor, US

There are so many others that I could list, but it would take forever and It’s Leg Day Bitchachos.

Don’t forget to look beyond the wall in front of you, there are always like-minded people looking to share stories, inspiration and more with you.  You just have to seek them out.

Good Luck, FitFam! xoxo

Help, Please. The Toughest Phrase in the English Language.

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IMG_4481I’ve been spiraling downward for months now.  Deluding myself into thinking that i’m just fine. I’m just happy. I’m in control of my weight, of my eating, of my thinking.

Nope.

Not so much.

I made the call.

It was a sunny day.  A Friday.  I was driving with the windows down, the radio up and a strange feeling of ambition.

Sitting at a stoplight, I picked up my phone and dialed.

It rang. Three times it rang.

“Hey Brook!” Ben, my trainer, answered with a smile.

I took a deep breath, let all the pride, anger, hurt and self-loathing free.  I was ready to admit it.

“I need help.”

 

And so a new journey begins….

Falling Down and NOT Running Away

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Sometimes things happen.  Sometimes things are Life. Other times things aren’t things. They are just one thing.  They are just one letter; I

Work didn’t tell me to skip the gym.  My son didn’t tell me to eat pizza instead of the lunch I brought.  My husband definitely didn’t tell me to skip doing work and play games on my iphone.  Nope.

What we have here is a failure to commit.  But why?

Ok, let’s rewind about two months:

I’m gung ho! I’m rarin’ to go!  I’ve got my supplements.  I’ve shopped.  My training sessions are scheduled.

One day gets stressful and I seek the typical head in the sand escape.  I cancel on Ben at Rejuv.  I don’t eat my lunch or really anything at all.  I’m running late and blame the world.

I’m afraid.  I don’t know why.  I’m totally fearless with so many things, but when it comes to weight loss and commitment to myself, I run scared and it takes me weeks to figure out that I’m running.

Then it’s the lunch lady sized ladle of steaming hot self guilt.  “Will they just shake their heads at me?”  “Will they think less of me?”  “Am I a total failure?”  “Who have I let down now?”  “How can I hide my total embarassment and self pity from everyone, they can’t see me like this!”

I work in a career where my life is in the open for all to see.  Sometimes I have to appear super happy even when I’m not.  I have to be the life of the party.  90% of the time, I am happy and ready to party, but there’s that 10% of the time that I question if people will not like me as much if they only knew that I fall down on the road to progress alot. This is where negative self talk destroys me.

This has been a pattern in my life for years.  Back in college, I was a Computer Science Major.  I loved learning code, JAVA, C++, etc.  However, even though I was good at it, I was even better at correcting other people’s incorrect coding.  This is just like my weight loss journey.

I know what to do.  I can even help others on their road.  I have the answers.  I just can’t seem to execute them for myself. The only thing I can think of is that by helping others, I’m not committing to anything. I’m just swooping in and doing what I love in short bursts.

Weight loss for me can’t be a hobby. It can’t be an every now and then thing.  I need to keep my head out of the sand and make this a career.  I know that I can do this. I did it before I had Timothy. Losing the weight after baby?  So much harder mentally.  I’m strongly thinking of joining the weekly support group at Rejuv Medical calling “Breaking Barriers”.  It might be just what I need to finally COMMIT to this LIFESTYLE of health.

A Clean Take on Eggs Benedict (aka Ma’am, Step Away from the Pancake)

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Last night was the annual Leighton Broadcasting Christmas Extravaganza! Woot!  With “AL Bucks” a plenty, everyone was in good spirits as we dined on Shrimp, Beef and Chicken then ended the evening with a Hypnotist and our own Money Machine.

When they announced the hypnotist, my husband immediately tried forcing my hand in the hair to volunteer me.  Of course, I resisted like a pair of too small spanx.  Then the hypnotist had us all stand up and “try her simple test”.  Stand up, concentrate on my voice, your hands are getting tighter and tighter together, blah blah blah.  So there I was standing with my hands GLUED together above my head and when she said “open your eyes”, I anticipated there would be a room full of hands in the air.  nope.  just one set of hands that I could see.  Mine.

Good Lord.  To which, with hands still above my head mind you, I groaned loudly “Great. Just Great”.  Everyone laughed and I was escorted to one of the 10 chairs up front.  Funniest part, I wasn’t laughing.  I was just praying that my “state of relaxation” wouldn’t take effect on my posture and have me flashing my bits to EVERYONE I work with.  I had been a part of a hypnotist show before and needless to say, your inhibitions go the way of the wind. You let it ALL hang out.  oy.  In the end, i don’t remember too much, just that I was laughing alot, I was craving ice cream and felt like I had just taken the best nap ever.  SCORE.

Even though I was sober all night, I still woke up this morning with the “We were out late last night and need a hangover breakfast”.  You know the greasy spoon kind.  Well, Charlie was already gone to get the car’s oil changed, so it was just Timothy and I.  Timothy’s favorite is pancakes.  So Pancakes it was.   As I cooked up a dozen or so pancakes (so I could freeze them for Timothy later), I started to nibble one.  Then it it hit me.  Pancakes, although tasty and kinda nourishing are not clean.  I have plenty of clean pancake recipes, but I wasn’t in the mood to make them.  So I gave myself a proverbial wooden spoon slap on the wrist and stepped away from the pancake.

Instead, i opted for a different breakfast staple…Eggs Benedict…only this time, I would make it clean and sans Hollandaise…so here you go!

2014-01-04 10.57.13Tuscan Benedict (A Cleaner Eggs Benedict)

  • 1 100% Whole Wheat English Muffin (I use Thomas brand )
  • 3 Whole Large Eggs
  • Tbl Chopped Green Onion
  • 1 Cup baby Spinach Rough Chopped
  • 3 small Campari Tomatoes or larger Cherry Tomatoes (sliced)
  • 2 Tsp Grated Parmesean Cheese
  • 1-2 Tbl Chopped Fresh Italian Flat leaf Parsley
  • 1 large Basil leaf chopped small
  • 1-2 Tbl Sabra Tuscan Garden Hummus
  • small drizzle of EVOO
  • Kosher Salt / Cracked Pepper

DIRECTIONS:

 

1.  Crack Three eggs into a Measuring Cup and whisk, add parmesean, a tiny pinch of salt and couple grinds of pepper, whisk again, set aside.

2.  Heat your skillet over Medium/Medium High Heat

3. Drizzle in EVOO, swirl the pan then add the tomatoes, green onions and spinach. Give Em a Stir and don’t let them burn.

4.  Even out the Spinach mixture on the bottom of the pan and pour in the eggs.  Turn heat down to med/Med-low.  Using a scraper/Spatula, stir it up a bit then let cook slowly, stiring occasionally until eggs are fully cooked.  I like my eggs to not be browned..that’s when they get dry, so usually when they are all solid I yank em off the stove.

5. Toast your english muffing to desired toastiness 🙂

6. Assemble!  Distribute the egg/spinach mixture over the Two Muffin halves.  Top with Chopped Parsley and Basil then add a dollop of Hummus.

Eat it. Enjoy it.

 

If you can’t find the tuscan hummus, I would most likely pick Roasted Red Pepper. They both have a tang to them, which is EXACTLY what I love about Hollandaise.  So this is a win win!

Enjoy!

Email me or comment with any questions! 🙂

Hockey & Nuts..two of my favorite things (Chile Lime Almond Recipe included)

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Just outside the Ralph Englestad Arena in Grand Forks, ND.

Just outside the Ralph Englestad Arena in Grand Forks, ND.

So it was another balmy weekend in Grand Forks, ND.  Known as Home of the Fighting Sioux and constant potato ass smell from the Simplot Factory.   Sorry, that was offensive.  The NCAA says I have to say “North Dakota Athletics”.  I digress.

My husband and I are proud supporters of UND especially the hockey program. We, along with my Mother and Father In-Law and Brother In-law and his wife, have season tickets to Men’s hockey at the Ralph Engelstad Arena.  It’s a great way to get me home to see my mom and family back in North Dakota that I wouldn’t see half as much and we absolutely love hockey.  So it’s a win-win.  Then there’s weekend’s like this last one.  -16 Degrees TEMP.  Icicles have icicles at this point.  balls.

As much as I dread the “Tundra Shuffle”, the shuffling of feet while you pull all other appendages into your body like a turtle with your freezing breath barreling out of you like a factory on overtime, once you step in to the wonder of “The Ralph” you forget about the rest of the world.  You are standing a midst legends in the College Hockey World.  From the memorabilia on the walls, to the smell of Bavarian Roasted Almonds and Prime Rib Sandwiches, you are here.  This isn’t just a hockey game, it’s like a family reunion with 11,000 of your closest friends.  You fork over your 50/50 ticket cash, take your seat and it’s on!  I wouldn’t change it for the world.  However, when you’re trying to eat clean and lose weight, prime rib sandwiches, Dippin’ Dots, beer, beer and more beer don’t help matters.

BLOG_HOCKEY 2I settled for a Diet Coke that night while my husband partook in the customary silver bullet.  It was the first sweep at home for the Sioux this season and we were so happy to be there.

All weekend long it was holiday baking, eating out, late nights and luckily a few naps.  This is great, but again eating clean and fitness were nowhere to be found.  I’m getting ready to be spending a full week out at the lake and I’m going to have to get a gameplan together to keep my goals on track.  Let’s be honest, staying on a clean eating and fitness track when everyone is singing songs about figgy pudding isn’t easy.  I don’t even know what figgy pudding is, but if it’s Christmas, I’ll eat it.  herein lies the problem.  I’m like the 100 lb Labrador that thinks it’s a Chihuahua, only instead of sitting on people’s laps, I will eat just about anything in sight at such speed I myself might even question it’s happening.

oy.

So, I’ve started putting together a few projects like the Arm-Knitting Scarf Pin, Zippered-Wristlet Tutorial, PJ Pants for Timothy, and even finish my Strip Quilt I started.  There will inevitably be a few culinary adventures as well.  I really want to try this Hearty Roasted Vegetable Recipe 🙂

Last night I made a bunch of Oreo Cookie Balls…you know the Crushed Oreos mixed with Cream Cheese then dipped in chocolate confectionery balls of heaven.  Yeah..about that.  I’m not going to lie, I ate a few whilst creating my masterpieces, but I decided to also partake in a Pin I saw a week or so ago.  Chile Lime Roasted Almonds. BOOM!  I like them alot, but I shouldn’t have tried to eat them right after the Oreo balls…nothing tastes as good as skinny fee….shut up. Oreo balls taste amazing.

So I spent my night making balls and nuts. (insert laughter and random joke here)

Now you can too…enjoy!

Chile Lime Roasted Almonds

Note: I think I was short a few almonds..so I wound up with a little too much mixture on them…I may look to decrease in the future.  I also maybe could have roasted them longer!

I Forgot My Lunchbox. (Insert Foot Stomping & Tantrum Here)

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So my lunchbox. Yeah, about that.  Totally forgot it today.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the end of the world.  When you’ve been on point all week with your eats, however, it seems devastating.  You’ve told yourself all week that you’re making the right decisions and you’re excited about it.  Then you forget your lunchbox filled with Brown Rice, Steak, Homemade Beef Noodle Soup, Clementines, a Cliff bar, Mio and other essentials.  A nice Clean Lunchbox. Now what?

Jimmy Johns, Erbert & Gerberts, Subway, Green Mill, Chinese Takeout, Cupcakes in the breakroom, vending machines, soda, a granola bar smothered in chocolate someone left in the studio: that is what.

This is the part of the day when your stomach starts to talk back to everything you do, you start to feel light headed and all these food temptations that are NOT part of plan start to hover around you like a bad after school special on drugs and peer pressure.  C’mon Brookie, everyone’s doing it.

It’s almost infuriating.  Studies show that “habits” take days if not weeks to become the ‘norm’, but let’s be honest with ourselves here, once a Carb Fiend, ALWAYS a Carb Fiend.  Having been through the weight loss journey once already, I can affirm that although we lose taste for much of the ‘bad’ in the food world, are we really going to turn down a caramel roll fresh out of the oven with our coffee the next time we visit mom’s house?  The answer isn’t YES, it’s MAYBE.

Life is too short to deprive ourselves 100% of the time of the things we’ve grown to love.  It’s not about NEVER eating things we love, it’s about moderation and timing.  Eating a fast food lunch only 4 days into my new weight loss journey is much more detrimental to my emotional and physical success than it would be 3 months down the line.  I know for a fact that I will beat myself up over it and then battle the “give up and start again tomorrow” mentality.

I don’t know why I do it, but I procrastinate the success.  “Well, that wasn’t on plan.  I’ll start again tomorrow.”  Why tomorrow? Why not immediately following.  I know why.  I try to make it perfect.  After many conversations with Ben and my other support systems, I’ve come to the glaring conclusion:

IT’S NOT GOING TO BE PERFECT.  THAT’S PERFECTLY OK.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this new mantra doesn’t mean I’m going to eat a doughnut with my coffee every morning, but it does mean that I’m going to try and mentally prepare myself for slip ups and when they do happen focus on the moving on part, rather than dwelling.

Now, back to the matter at hand: lunch.  I’m about to pass out or break something if I don’t get this blood sugar up, so I’m contemplating taking my cookies out into the -7 F temp / -24 F wind chill of MinneSNOWta to go to the Pacific Wok just down the street.  I can at least get steamed veggies, chicken and brown rice…AND it’s on plan.  I guess I’ll be asking Santa for “Pacific Wok Delivery without the $50 minimum”.

***UPDATE***

yeah. I got Erbert & Gerberts.  Spartan on Wheat with Tomato Basil Soup…and are you sitting down?  A Diet Coke.  I may start a Diet Shaming Website that will rival that of every dog that ever ate the trash.

On a positive note, I didn’t harm anyone or passout.