life

Yes,You Need A Personal Trainer/Coach.

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B0Man

This is Brian. Brian is a Turd..er Coach.  He makes me laugh, cry, swear and pissed off  He is my greatest advocate, healer, teacher and fitness friend as well.  All of this is for the greater good known as: “Babs Becoming BEAST” 

In case you’ve ever wondered what goes through the mind of anyone with a personal trainer, this sums it up nicely. There is a fine balance between “Oh Yeah…let’s do this shit” and “This may be the reason I’m in a motorized cart for the rest of my life”.

 

My husband battles with understanding the importance and worth of a personal trainer.  Every month. When the billing hits our checking account. Like clockwork.  It’s Battle Royale of the “Why is this necessary?  You don’t get anything from it?!  It’s just time with a trainer?”

Well, my husband of 10 years who should know by now that I remember every single frivolous purchase you’ve made in the past 15 years, Personal Training / Fitness Coaching will be the most Tangible yet Intangible time you will buy.  What you actually get is so much more than time.

I was reading the posts from Fat Girl Wunning and I was hit with one of my “why’s” Why do I put myself through the soreness?  Why do I fork out cold card earned cash every month for my Coach?  This is WHY:

Personal Trainers are Motivators, Dictators, Friends and Mortal Enemies. They are exactly what we need to push ourselves to the new limits required to meet our goals. It may feel like we’re dying, but they would never push us to injury or harm. They will however make you swear like a sailor and sweat like a hooker in church.

Check out Fat Girl Wunnings recent musings with her personal trainer. They are brilliantly hilarious…and real life.

Fat Girl Wunning

So in my last entry, I wrote about how all I do is complain to Franz, and when it really hurts, he doesn’t believe me.  Well, after that blog came out, a loyal reader (Hey, Katie!) suggested that we come up with a safe word to use.  You know, the one word that I’m allowed to use to tell him that NO I’M DEAD SERIOUS, I’M DYING.

When I walked into training on that Wednesday, I proposed this idea to him, and he laughed.  Then we both threw out words to use… at the same time.  His was ‘Nutella’.  Mine was ‘Marshmallow’.  The first thing I thought was, I need a s’more.

After this, he proceeded to kick my ass, and I couldn’t use my legs for two days, and I never did get my s’more.

By the way, when Katie suggested I use a safe word, she also…

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Naked And Afraid – The Before Photos

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Tonight I did something that was at the highest level of anxiety, pit in the stomach, REAL.

I finally got up the courage to take the #BeforePic.

Mentally, we see ourselves so different than the camera does. Subconsciously, I think our brains leave out the dimples, bumps and flaws. Our brains delude us into thinking our 3 Bedroom figure is a studio apartment and we never really get that feeling of what our true canvas looks like.

Tonight I did. Tonight I cried.

I was hit with a harsh reality that I deep down knew existed. If I’m really going to be successful…If I’m going to transform myself to the way, in my heart I feel I need to be, then it needs to be done 100%. These photos were sent to two of my closest fitness friends. Friends who I know won’t judge and will help motivate me. Most of all, they will keep me accountable to the results I’m striving for. This was the single hardest thing I’ve done. I allowed someone else into my reality.

Well, it’s time to change that reality. It’s time to be the woman I know is hiding behind the curtain of bad decisions, eating habits and laziness that shrouds my body. Time to let the Strong Beast that’s inside this skin, out.

Seeing yourself through the lens…is terrifyingly enlightening.

Use Oils they say…Will keep Bugs Away they say…

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I’m not going to knock essential oils…but, I’m going to knock essential oils.  I’m a beginner in the EO universe with no desire to be She-Ra Princess of Oil Power.  I will not be found toting 6 kids in a minivan all doused with pachouli or any other cleansing oil while carrying business cards and samples in a fanny pack.  I won’t. I simply won’t.

EO’s have done some serious wonders for me, my seasonal allergies and even some healing. I get my EO’s from a good friend who knows, I’m not in it for the business, I’m in it for the decrease in water retention and the ability to sleep like a baby in a lavender cloud.

Tonight I made the mistake of “googling” what oils to use to repell mosquitos. Insert 8,000 beyond-passionate EO fanatics with THE answer.

So tonight I had a date with Relaxation: a beautiful clear sky this evening, baby in bed, dusk, candles lit, cup of hot coffee, my ipad and…

10,000 blood sucking fiends.

So, I douse my fave scarf with a combo of lavender, Tea tree Oil and Peppermint. Three oils I had on hand that were touted as AMAZINGLY Effective options for repellent.  I sit down, open Pinterest and realize that my 10,000 new found friends already pinned a cute sign made from pallets that read “Buffet – All You Can Eat”.  It was a massacre.  I could almost hear the laughter of crazy oil ladies zipping up their fanny packs.

So, now I’m covered in Benedryl, listening to my husband tell me I didn’t pay my parking tickets again. Followed by the “Why are you getting parking tickets anyway” conversation.

So much for a nice calm relaxing evening on the deck.  I smell like a custom tube of Aspercreme and I’m itchy.

But my seasonal allergies are at bay and I just started watching another episode of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. So everything is right in my world.

Hamster Wheels, Bug Bites & Co-pays

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Let’s keep this simple:

Hamster Wheel:  Yup, that is my “healthy lifestyle”.  A Hamster wheel.  Stuck in a perpetual “Start over”.  I should maybe re-identify this part of my life as the blue screen of death…everytime I reboot my decision to get healthy and lose the weight, the Blue Screen of Death (Aka negative thoughts, feelings, eatings and bad daytime TV Shows) hits me BAM!  then…you got it . Restart.

Bug Bites:  Yup. This one’s pretty simple.  Might be a tick bite, might be an allergic reaction to a mosquito.  Might even be a spider bite.  The doctor doesn’t know, but I’m supposed to warm compress it and see what comes of it.  If Sigorney Weaver comes a knockin’, we’re all screwed.

Co-Pays:  To top off that little healthy nugget, T-bone has an ear infection.  Poor little man.  However, earache or not, he still rocked counting from 1 to 10 today.  Although, I don’t think he understood what it meant since he followed it up with “The End” and a whole bunch of gibberish.

I’m THAT neighbor:  Suburbia has grabbed me and pretty much slapped the shiz outta me with the Green Thumb Bug.  yup. The Green Thumb Bug. It exists.  Don’t deny it.  Some people choose a cactus in their bathroom, I chose a deck covered in pots with little seeds planted.  These shall be my new children.  Lettuce, Spinach, Arugula, Cilantro, Basil, Parsely and flowers.  They just started sprouting and I was so excited that I hadn’t killed them all off I shouted, “Look at all my children!!!” while my face was inches from some of the soil.  When I looked up, two of my neighbors were staring and started backing into their house.  Great. I’m THAT neighbor.